This is my story of how i found Ana.
When I was 4, I was light and small and healthy, always running around and playing outside. I stayed out as much as i could because i was being violently abused at home. My dad was an alcoholic but loved me to bits and always made sure i got a healthy supper. my mum.. she was a nightmare. The slightest mistake i'd get a slap for.
When i turned 9, i stopped going out as much. I stood up to my mum, and introduced myself to television. If I hadn't have done that, maybe I'd still be thin.
When I was 10, I became addicted to online gaming. If I'd have never found it, I'd still be thin.
When I was 11, I came out as bisexual at my school. I lost all my friends that i used to go out with, because they thought i'd fancy them. If they hadn't been so judgemental, I might still be thin.
When I was 13 and a half, I fell into a depression caused by my lack of self esteem. It lasted roughly nine months until i was 14, and i binged practically the whole time, without exercise.
If I'd have thought about the consequences at the time, I might still be slim and beautiful.
When I was 14 and a half, Ana found me. She encouraged me to eat less and exercise more. I began staying behind at school to go in the gym, doing sit ups in the PE hall during lunch instead of eating, counting calories. She gave me back the control I needed over my life.
I WILL be thin.
I WILL be beautiful.
Do you realize that everything that you blame everything wrong with you (e.g. being fat / eating too much) on the people around you? Take responsibility and maybe you'll start losing weight!
ReplyDeleteEvidently you haven't paid much attention, I've lost quite a bit of weight since this post. I never once blamed me eating too much or being fat on anybody, I blamed my own weakness in combination with situations that people around me put me in. If I stopped interacting with people altogether, yes I'd have lost more weight than I have, however it would have been more noticable, quicker, and probably a lot worse for my health than it already was. Considering I am now in recovery, in comparison to what a normal person SHOULD eat in a day, I was eating way not enough, even when I thought I'd ate too much, and I was a healthy weight at the point I started. I'm borderline unhealthy now, which is exactly WHY I am in recovery. I have a future to think of, that I can't wait for, and I can't throw that away. If you actually read the recent posts, You'd realise I no longer want to lose weight.
DeleteI think she should do what she wants..
Deleteyou did blame it on everyone but yourself
ReplyDelete"you did blame it on everyone but yourself"
ReplyDeleteThis kind of shrink mentality is unintelligent. Shrinks often say that we can all choose how we respond to others and it's up to us if we get angry or upset.
So, what they're really saying is that I can got around being cruel to whoever I want and if that person gets upset, it's their own fault. They can choose how they react.
What a crock of shit!
AngelGoesRawr, if you were depressed at the very young age of 13, then it's only because you have shithouse parents.
The world is full of judgmental and quite frankly, stupid, people. While you'd be wasting your time to expect other people to be on the same level that you are, you've still got every right to be angry at the injustice of the world -that kind of anger is commendable.
Thankyou. It's taken me a long time in therapy to be able to comfortably say, I'm fucked in the head because of things that were drilled into me growing up, because my mother was an abusive bitch, because my dad was emotionally absent, because I was to naive to get the hell outta dodge. I'm fucked in the head, unhealthy, and constantly in pain, because of thoughts I've had my entire life. I was strong for so long before I broke, but I'm fixing myself. No I don't want to be weight restored,but I don't want this eating disorder to kill me. I don't want my self harm to kill me. I want to live a long happy healthy life as my final 'fuck you' to the past, so that I can have some closure on it and leave all that behind.
Delete-Steps off soapbox-
Can you help stop eating sweets
ReplyDeleteI'm 14 and I'm the same way, just kind of backwards; it may not necessarily be considered "right" but I understand. I lost friends, was talked about by "friends", family, teachers, etc. and I blamed it all on my weight. "Maybe if I was thin and beautiful like them, maybe I'd fit in. Maybe they wouldn't have treated me so badly if I had their flat stomachs and hip and collar bones." I have weight issues and I'm pro-ana. it's taken me a while to realize it. I have and currently am suffering depression and am bipolar, schizophrenic and have bad anxiety. I know what it's like to not feel your best all the time. It's bad. And I just stopped by your blog and read your story and I want you to know, you're beautiful. I mean, your personality and strength and determination. You may not care about what I'm saying, but I just wanted to tell you that. Those are things I've never heard before but I want others to feel good by hearing it :) <3
ReplyDeleteMy story.
ReplyDeleteI am a 13 year old girl
When I was 11/12 I got seriously ill, they put me on steroid tablets. But unfortunately the fact that I was in a wheelchair and on these tablets made me gain around 2 stone in a year1/2.
I am now 13 and have psoriasis a skin condition that makes it harder to lose weight.
I am lesbian but can't come out because my mum won't support me in it and my dad.. We'll just say he's a jerk.
I have been fasting (but still drinking water + coffee) although yesterday one of my friends was asking what was up with me, and if I didn't eat:
A chocolate cookie
Cracker
Ice lolly
And cheese
She would report me to the school mentor; she would also fone my mum!
When I got home I was so upset I ate a large pack of doritos(nearly 500 calories!) a taxi bar and some of my dinner. That was my binge, so I needed a purge.
It was my fist time so it was hard, not much came up, just bile and bits. It has left me unable to go to school today because I am so weak.
I do need some tips because the doctor is getting phoned and my mum is getting worried.
I hate being ana, Mia, deb and sue!
I am sorry world!
I doubt anyone will actually read this, I am just the boring, FAT, UGLY 13 year old misfit.